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You think you're naughty and transgressive? Humans just don't get that freaky compared to insects. An ongoing evolutionary tug of war to control fertilization has led to appallingly rough sexual practices in bugs. Male penises are covered in spikes, scoops, harpoons, and stabby daggers. Females occasionally kill and eat their suitors. Why are insects' tender moments so often nasty and brutish? One explanation lies in the strange nature of insect vaginas: they can store sperm.

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No, the second penis is a spare in case the first one breaks off. This becomes even more cringe-inducing when you discover that each earwig penis is about the length of their entire body. The researchers also engaged in a bit of insectus coitus interruptus ; they pinched the butt of males having sex.

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Not only did the males survive and successfully mate again, their abandoned penis plugged up the female, slowing her re-mating. Beetle Penises are Studded for Absolutely No One's Pleasure. Male bean beetles have horrific spiky penises.

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It's not for any sort of titillating stimulation; female bean beetles are routinely injured and develop scars in their genital tract after mating. Researchers knew that males with bigger spines fathered more young, but weren't sure what the spines were actually doing.

So, they shaved some beetle penises. You do that with a laser, not a razor, in case you were wondering.

While many spiky insect penises act as a type of biological velcro helping the male hang on for his wild ride, that isn't the case with bean beetles. Males with denuded penises were still able to mate successfully - but intact spiky males produced more offspring.

There is a chemical in the ejaculate that affects female fertility, and the mace-like penis creates wounds to get it into the female's blood stream. Drosophila, the little flies of kitchens and biology labs, have remarkably odd sex lives.

But even among those kinksters, one species stands out: Drosophila bifurca. The males in this species produce giant sperm that are 2. Each individual sperm cell is 20 times longer than the fly itself. The testes of the fly are also outsized; they make up In a lb human, that would be a scrotum the size of a Thanksgiving turkey 21 pounds.

The testes contain an elaborate system of sperm rollers that fold and crank out the giant sperm like an assembly line. The sperm arrive in the female like a giant ball of twine, and have to slowly unwind before the sperm cell can fuse to form an embryo. The gigantic sperm tail is eventually discarded. It seems this is yet another way to plug up the female and slow her from mating again.

Most people have heard of the horrifying sex lives of bed bugs. Males have a stabby cock-daggerand inject their sperm through the body wall of a female.

Worse, male bed bug peen is full of germsso this traumatic insemination can cause infections. But strepsipterans have it worse. Strepsipterans live in the butts of wasps. Males have just a few hours to find a female, and since she's embedded in the ass-end of a wasp, he just injects his sperm pretty much anywhere he can reach.

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That's unpleasant, but once fertilized, the living female is consumed from the inside out by her developing young. This is also pretty much the plot of the movie Species IIby the way. To end on a happier note, let's consider stick insects.

One effective way to cock-block a competitor is to just never stop mating.

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Stick insects hold the recor with the longest recorded hookup lasting 79 days. Hopefully, nothing for our personal sexual lives. It would be a terrible idea to take your sexual inspiration from insects; I could list hundreds of additional examples of unpleasant sexual encounters, and I've omitted even more startling details from the stories above.

Insect genitals are great examples of evolution in action, though. While we think of deer antlers or shiny bird tails as examples of sexual selection for conflict, that same process also shapes the genitals of animals. You can breed beetles to have more or less spiky penises; or select flies on the size of their sperm.

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  • This Post Has 2 Comments

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