I had a whirlwind romance and married a man I put all my trust in. We had a happy marriage for a few years, and then we began to drift apart. Our lives were consumed by everyday events - children, school, work, sports - which meant we were a typical married couple working on raising a family and living a normal life. Seven years into our marriage, I started having memory and fatigue issues. One night, I woke up with a dissolving pill in my mouth. I had no recollection of taking a pill and was very confused. Another night I woke up with my clothes off.
I was at a gig when I noticed how hot the band's bass player was.
After they performed, the band came off stage and my friend introduced me to them. We got talking and hit it off immediately.
Alex was a really kind, sweet guy, so talented and caring.
Soon, he became my first love, and my world. I'd follow him to every single gig, no matter how tiny the venue.
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I thought we were going to be together forever. But that's not what happened. Like many teenagers in the UK, I was drinking well before the age of 18, at house parties with older friends or in pubs that were lenient about ID.
But once I was of age, it became more frequent. Then, when I got a job and moved to London, work socials meant that my drinking escalated even further.
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After a few months of living there, I went to a party and I got really, really drunk. Alcohol affects us in different ways but, for me, the second that I started drinking, I became flirtatious and provocative.
This party was no different. It all came tumbling out, followed by tears and angry words as he processed what I'd said. Eventually, we split up. Ultimately, the main reason he ended it was that he believed that the alcohol was just an excuse for what happened, and he thought there was a deep underlying problem in our relationship. I tried to tell him that wasn't true, that I would never have made that decision while sober, that I still loved him, but he wouldn't believe me.
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I was so frustrated that I've since looked at scientific research into decision-making while drunk. What I found out really surprised me and I wish I could have shared it with him at the time.
A lot of people believe that drinking isn't an excuse for out-of-character behaviour. They say the truth comes out when you're drunk, but research actually shows that isn't true. For me, drinking led me to do things I had absolutely zero desire to do when I was sober.
And it's all down to the way alcohol affects the brain and how we make choices. It is normally what stops you doing things that are risky or harmful," says John J. Woodward, a professor in the department of neurosciences at the Medical University of South Carolina, where he's carried out multiple experiments into how alcohol affects this crucial part of the brain.
The prefrontal cortex is essentially turned off in the presence of alcohol and people are unable to make optimal decisions. You can't tell the difference between the right decision and the wrong decision.
But what about the fact that I'd forgotten a lot about that night and experienced "black out"? It turns out this is more common than I'd realised. In a survey of American students, This is all down to how alcohol affects the part of the brain that deals with memory.
Alcohol essentially flips the switch and turns the hippocampus off. It prevents the hippocampus from creating memories, so the memories just simply don't exist," says Dr Aaron White, senior scientific advisor to the director of the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism in the USA. Dr White adds that there is a lot of variation in how much alcohol it takes for different people to experience a blackout.
24/1/ A lot of people believe that drinking isn't an excuse for out-of-character behaviour. They say the truth comes out when you're drunk, but research actually shows that isn't true 24/5/ The girl's mother said the guys gave the "They drank another kind of beer and the girls got drunk really So she opened the door and then passed out. When she came to, she said the Drunk & Passed Out Girls 13 YouTube Group: Fubar
He explains: "It seems to be based on the individual's brain chemistry. It also matters how fast the person drank. But, in general, a blood alcohol level of 0.
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That's around five medium glasses of red wine for a woman, seven for a man. But Dr White says some people can blackout after just a few drinks. I found something on that phone that would change my life forever: video taken by my husband of him having sex with me while I was passed out cold.
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There were three videos in total and in each one I looked like I was dead. I panicked. How did I not know this was happening to me?
How did I not wake up when this was going on? I had been drugged with the white cloudy liquid that my husband administered to me countless times before. He would give me such a large amount of the drug that I would pass out and not wake up, for any reason.
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I was in a deep, drug-induced sleep. How many times had this happened? I had no idea. I was so disgusted, confused and afraid.
I kept a copy of the videos and confronted my husband. He acted like he had done nothing wrong and then he somehow manipulated me into believing that no one would believe me, even with the video.
Very soon we were divorced. He moved out and away from me.
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Even though I could move on with my life, I always felt like I should do something, tell someone, let the world know that this extremely messed-up thing happened to me. I tried to shake those feelings off and concentrate on moving on.
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I would read self-help books, go to support groups and see a counselor regularly. One day, my son and daughter were supposed to go with their father for their weekend visit. My son would be gone most of the visit on a school trip and my daughter would have been left by herself with her father.
If he could do something that horrific and horrible to his own wife, then he could do it to anyone, including my daughter. It was then I knew that I needed to turn him in to the police for what he had done.
He needed to be exposed for the monster that he was. I turned the copy of the video I had into the police and told them my story. For the next three years, I fought this man who I once trusted with my life. I had to fight him in the criminal court for his disgusting acts toward me and also in civil court over my children.
Finally in the spring of last year, the jury trial came to an end: my husband was convicted of six Class B feloniesincluding rape and criminal deviant conduct.
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I was finally free - free of his lies, his manipulation and his dark cloud. I could finally move on knowing that I would be safe.
This man could not hurt me or my children. Two weeks later was his sentencing hearing - and we received the biggest shock of the trial. Although he was convicted of those six felonies, he would not spend any time in jail.
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He would be put under house arrest, essentially free and able to live on without going to prison. How could that be? Some guys that graduated a few years before us gave us a ride from the party to a local bar. We drank the whole way to the bar and once we got there Amanda was almost completely unresponsive, so we left her in the guys' car while we went in and had several more drinks. After being at the bar for about an hour, we decided we'd be good friends and check on Amanda who was still passed out in the car.
When we got out there, my friend opened the door and started coughing saying "I think she farted. She had shit her pants in this guy's car.
It was one of the most rancid things I've ever smelled. We continued to drink while opening the doors to try and air out the car but obviously to no avail as the pants that had been shat in were the source of the putrid smell.
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