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birds tweet [Julia] I was at NYU. I was really new to sex and I knew that I wasn't ready to have one-night stand, but I was also really horny all the time and honestly, I would've slept with anyone after two vodka cranberries. My sober self knew that I wasn't ready, but my drunk self didn't care. So to combat this tendency, I wore a decidedly puritanical outfit and my ugliest bra. Like, just the like the ugliest bra you could think of. We go to the party and I get drunk. There was like, beer pong and people were shotgunning and mixing all sorts of flavored vodkas.

There was like, beer pong and people were shotgunning and mixing all sorts of flavored vodkas. I sort of loved it and hated it at the same time. And I see this guy who's wearing a frat shirt, and he's shotgunning beers, and I was like, You, you're perfect. You are my college experience. And so we started making out, I don't think we exchanged any words.

And at one point, he was like, Wait, pause, and just promptly threw up on my friend Shula's dorm room wall. We wordlessly made the decision to go back to his dorm room and hook up.

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I do remember sort of panicking on the way there, knowing that his expectations and mine were different but not knowing how to stop it. He took off my shirt, and the first thing he said was like, Huh, nice bra. And I realized that I hated him. At this point I'm sobering up a little bit, and I think, Am I gonna go through with this?

But I wanted to be polite, I didn't wanna offend him. So I was just going with the strategy of distracting him. So I was like, What kind of books do you like? And he was like, I don't really read, and kept pulling at my skirt, trying to get it off. And I was like, Okay, but if you had to pick just one book that you've read that you really liked. And he was like, Okay, who's the guy who wrote Jurassic Park?

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I like him. And so I, a young scholar and certified academic asshole, was aghast. I was like, Michael Crichton?!

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He was like, Yeah, whatever, and he kept kissing my neck and just littering my body with all these horrible teenage-y hickeys, and I hated it.

And so I just went with the first thing that popped in my head, I'm on my period, which was a lie. He looked at me and he sighed, and he uttered a series of words that I will never forget. Can I at least get some head?

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